During my reading in Salem, I was told to read The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield. The psychic said that I had very strong intuition and this book would enlighten me further. If you have never read it, I would suggest that you seek the book and start reading. I haven’t finished yet but so far, I am intrigued. The book talks about a spiritual awakening and the journey we all take to reach that point.
I feel a connection to this story already. I have always been different; meaning I have never fit in. I am not unique but I know I belong to a group of people who have always thought there was no place in the world for them. I have done many things in my life, none of which seemed to be MY thing. I was a dancer, singer and actor. I was a computer hardware engineer (built computers), I was a soldier, I was a Systems Analyst and I am currently a Business Systems Analyst. Most of what I’ve done in my life dealt with computers because it’s a skill area that I happen to excel in yet my passion does not lie with technology. My whole life, and I mean my whole life, I’ve been searching for my purpose. Can you imagine a seven year old, searching the universe for a purpose. This is not your average What will I be when I grow up? It’s more like Why am I here? or Why was I born? and even What is the purpose of all life? Questions like that should not keep a child from being a child but there I was, a little mini adult having a beginning-life crisis. I question historical events, daily life activities, the norm… EVERYTHING! I cry when someone is impacted by disease, I feel the pain of strangers and have never understood all the negativity in the world. Not to exclude myself from the woes of the world, I have my own negative thoughts I try to eradicate from my life every day but the influences of my youth and experiences makes it difficult to totally rid myself of being judgmental, stereotypical and negative. Just my saying that I have questions about life can be seen as a judgment. But how can one question without making judgments?
Life has been very hard for me. The saddest part about my hard life is that I make it hard for myself. I cannot simply enjoy life because I need to understand it. I struggle every day with fitting in; fitting into conversations, team activities, events for my kids, friendships, etc. By the end of the day I reflect and realize that I didn’t have many joyous moments to reflect upon. I work so hard trying to be “normal” that I forget myself. I read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho some years ago and although I don’t recall most of the book, I do recall a passage saying, “The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world, and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon.” I am always so focused on the drops of oil on the spoon, trying so hard not to spill, that I miss the beauty around me every day. Today, I plan to stop and smell the roses!