Hope…

I built my life on hope.

To have hope is to have a feeling or desire for a certain outcome. I always saw hope as a great thing. For me, it was like a step down from faith. I told myself, if I thought positively enough, the outcome would be favorable. What I didn’t realize about hope is that with my high expectations, I brought a lot of stress and anxiety in my life that has negatively affected my well-being. Setting the stage for the favorable results only made failure hurt worse so I started hoping for the best and preparing for the worse. In doing this, I gave myself a buffer where if things were good, I’d feel good. If things went south, I would feel bad but not as bad if I didn’t already see it coming. I’d say to myself, “It could always be worse.”

The stress and anxiety of hope changed the way I saw the world. There are so many factors that can impact events and situations. My reality is that I can not control most of what is around me so I need to remind myself to stay calm and take things a moment at a time.

I haven’t erased all hope from my life. I still pray and hope for the unknowns of the world. In my eyes, if it’s a mystery, there’s a chance for my hope to become the truth.