Equanimity, Thoughts

Moments of self-redefinition

No one tells you that you lose who you are when you lose you mom. My mom was my best friend and I broke when she passed. I am in a million pieces and it’s not easy trying to glue these pieces back together. I am floating around in space, picking out the pieces that will make the new puzzle of me. Some pieces are lost while others just don’t fit anymore. I have no clue as to who I am and who I will become. But I know, I will never be who I once was.

Before my mom passed, I felt like I knew exactly who I was. As I start the process all over again, I am reminded of how self-redefinition is part of life. Our physical form regenerates a piece of itself very day. We have between 50 and 75 trillion cells in our body and loss(death) is within us, making regeneration is a vital part of living. Our skin regenerates about every 27 days; our red blood cells live for about four months where our white blood cells live for about a year. Each cell group has its own lifespan and our body continues to operate even as it recreates itself.

Emotional loss opens your eyes to a world that has never existed before. You are thrown into this world without people you knew previously. You learn to walk, talk and be a person in this changed state. You redefine who you are in the world.

It may be because our brain cells are with us from beginning to end, that emotional loss is harder to grasp. But as I redefine myself, I am reminded of nature and how everything has a season and a reason. I look at my trees outside and see the leaves fall, in preparation for winter or regenerate in the spring as the weather becomes warmer. I am comforted that although my tree appears bare, I will be renewed when my season comes back around.

Find comfort in knowing that although you may be in your bare season, you are also preparing to bloom.


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