Equanimity, Freedom

Center. Focus. Freedom

I conversed with my sister the other day when she said, “yeah, mothers love me.” She referred to the mothers of past love interests, continuing to check on her. I responded by telling her that it was rare for mothers to love me because, like most people, I trigger them somehow, and as a result, they don’t care for me.

She followed up by expressing her confusion and listed the qualities she knows me to possess. I told her that my light, my personality, the person that I am, makes people uneasy. They are drawn to me, but they find they don’t like some parts of themselves illuminated if they get too close.

This sister and I are very much alike. People are drawn to us, but the difference with her is that she is more relatable and therefore, they don’t feel judged by her.

Before you ask, no, I don’t go around judging people. I believe that everyone is allowed their free will. However, my lack of desire to “fit in” makes me less relatable. As a result, I appear on a high horse, which causes people to feel judged.

What people see that is not there or miss in plain sight amazes me. I remember growing up and classmates asking me why I do this and do that, and they don’t. For example, I remember being asked why I can eat chocolate and not get pimples and they can’t eat chocolate because they break out. I’ve had friends get angry at me for my successes because they were unsuccessful. It would always feel like the very thing they loved about me when we met is what they hate about me when it shows growth opportunity in themselves.

My post may not make sense to you if you have never experienced it, but I want to share in case someone out there feels down and confused concerning the actions and reactions of others towards them.

I have always been an “odd” person. I think the things that make me odd help me possess equanimity. I like having the freedom of my thoughts, energy, challenges, goals, growth, and next moves. I’m not worried about what the next person is doing. Instead, I’m comparing myself to who I was yesterday with who I am today. The focus helps me stay centered on who I want to be tomorrow.

Understand that the road may be lonely when you break away from societal norms and expectations. But the loss is simply the noise meant to distract you from your purpose. You are not alone because people like me send out beacons of light to illuminate your path and break up the lonely feelings.

Stay centered. Stay focused. Find Freedom.

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