If I could pinpoint one pet peeve I’ve carried my whole life, it would be my displeasure in being portrayed falsely or misrepresented. I have always disliked when someone would lie or assume who I am, what I do/did or how I think/feel. I wouldn’t react per se; I would correct them or defend myself.
It wasn’t until I was in a toxic environment that I learned that there are people who purposefully give you false characteristics so that you fit into the narrative or fantasy they are living in.
This person has consistently shown me that in their world, my actions and words mean nothing unless they align with their perception. No matter what I say or do, even if it’s something they requested, I am still wrong.
Before I knew better, I would drive myself crazy trying to give them what they wanted. Whenever they’d say I did something I know I didn’t do, i would try and convince them of the truth. This person would even speak negatively about parts of my character they’d once praised and I would defend myself.
I had quickly understood that no matter what I said or did, it would never please this person. But, it took me a while to heal from what was going on. My default has always been to correct misinformation about myself or defend my truth. In this stage of my life, I had to grow from this or I would continue to decline mentally.
I had to learn new ways of finding peace without internalizing the perceptions others had about me. I had to be okay with people spreading misconceptions about me. Always being on the defense isn’t healthy, especially when no matter what people think and say about me won’t change who I am and how I present myself.
This person wanted to control their environment and because I was part of their world, the need to control extended to me. They did not respect my perspective and would only be kind of I saw the world how they saw it, which wasn’t often.
Everyone has the right to be who they want to be and the free will to do as they please but when it interferes with another’s sense of self, I draw the line. I accept this person as they are but when we are not in alignment, I have to distance myself.
It’s difficult to be who you want to be and meant to be if you are surrounded by those who can only see you from their narrative. If you have people in your life who are determined to misunderstand you, especially after you’ve already spoken your truth, you have a decision to make.
There are no rules that state you have to keep people in your life based on societal norms and traditions. Being family or any longstanding relationship is not a free pass to mistreat a person. If anything, those are the relationships where you should be able to be authentically you and if that’s not the case, reevaluate your life and choose the life that aligns with your desires.
I hope you are surrounded with the people who see and love you for who you are. I hope you write your own story!
Look Within 