Equanimity, Freedom, Thoughts

My constant is change.

I have always been a creature of habit. I like things a certain way and dislike last minute changes. I wasn’t always like this but after the military, something in my brain changed.

I have been working on myself for my whole entire adult life. I used to think that once you made it to a specific place in your life, things got easier and by easier, I mean more predictable and consistent. When I had my daughter, over eight years ago, I realized that my life will never be easy. Each time I get into a routine, something very normal happens that throws me off and creates a new routine.

I used to get so depressed and bothered by change. I don’t know how much of it was from the PTSD and depression I’ve had since the military or my personality but change would make me want to ball up into the fetal position and cry. I used to cry; I used to lock myself within my mind and live in solitude until the feeling passed. It was not a great way to live and I was not being great to my family.

2018 was a crazy ride, one I am hoping will not take me on another loop. My house was in constant upheaval and most people know when your home isn’t in order, it affects your whole being.  It was a very unnerving experience but one that has taught me to deal with change.

Life today is nothing but change. When was the last time you were settled into a routine and there was nothing that broke the cycle? Were you even born when changes wasn’t the constant?

Change in today’s world has not been the best but I believe that it can lead to positive outcomes. Like with my house, the experience was horrendous but had a positive outcome. 

Life is hard enough without us making it harder for ourselves. The earlier we realize that no day will be the same as the previous, the better our life will be in the long run. Stress is a real problem and having routine expectations adds to the already stressful life we all lead.

Take a deep breath. This too shall pass and a year from now, it won’t even matter.

1 thought on “My constant is change.”

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