Equanimity, Thoughts

Be Kind, Always.

My life has been turned upside down and I have been doing my best to turn it right side up again. I have been sitting on my thoughts since then because they are very heavy emotions. Last year, Ellen’s deejay, Stephen “tWitch” Boss, committed suicide. For the first time in my life, I could truly say that I understand why someone might commit suicide. No, I am not suicidal. But what I experienced last year and how I was treated by some of those around me, brought me to a place of understanding feelings of hopelessness and despair one might feel in those moments when suicide is decided as the only option out of the pain.

So many of us are conditioned to survive without the help of others. Not because we want to prove to ourselves or the world that we can do it, but simply because the world turns its back on suffering and treats it as if it is shameful. I mean whenever the topic suicide comes up, people say “Oh, it’s a selfish act.” No, suicide happens because a person feels so alone in their pain and has been ignored by the people around them. They have reached out for help, tried many ways to stop the pain and the pain continues without end. They lose value in living because feeling so much suffering without true compassion is far worse than death.

I was at a point of giving up. I felt like I was alone because the people around me told me that what I was experiencing could easily be resolved by following easy steps. I felt trapped. Nothing was easy. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. My brain was mush and I still had responsibilities on my plate. It was as if I were in the middle of the ocean, drowning, and the people on a nearby boat was shouting at me: ‘All you need is a boat.’ ‘Stop drowning, just swim.’ ‘You don’t have to drown. It’s a choice.’ No one was jumping off the boat to come rescue me. No one drove a boat closer to me to help. No one threw me a life raft. No one noticed my fatigue, stress and panic as I tried to stay above the water. They all saw the shark circling me and told themselves that they couldn’t get in the middle of me and the shark because it was my burden to bear.

I know that I can’t expect someone to come save me whenever I find myself in emotionally stressful events but the compassion and empathy is lacking in the world. So many people are quick to say how great you have it and that you shouldn’t be sad or suffering but material items can never penetrate the soul like the soul of another.

This is a childhood wound for me. Many times over I have been in situations where I was forced to survive without empathy or compassion. I learned to just roll with it but not everyone can roll with the punches and therefore they choose a different route away from the pain.

We’re not asking to be saved. We are asking the people in our lives to keep each other accountable for expressing true compassion and empathy. The world lacks accountability and sits too comfortably in elective blindness, yet expects compassion and empathy from others.

Some of the most joyful people end their time on Earth. It saddens me. For the sake of our children, be kind and consciously treat others with compassion and empathy.

2 thoughts on “Be Kind, Always.”

  1. There are several reasons someone would take his/her life, and I, too, can imagine the emotional suffering that precedes that act. I have learned that I must surround myself with kind and compassionate people and walk away from those who are not.

    Liked by 1 person

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