Equanimity, freedom, Thoughts

What motivates you?

I’ve had a few “woe is me” moments in the past few weeks. I have been feeling down because I was feeling alone. I felt like I hadn’t a friend in the world and that the troubles on my shoulders were getting larger and larger because I was taking in the emotions of others around me. I try my darnedest not to internalize the emotions around me but no matter how hard I try, I’m like a sponge. I have been taking stock into who I am. I want nothing more than to blend in and no matter what I do, I feel like I stand out. Part of this is me being a weirdo and making situations awkward when they need not be. The other moments are because I am not like the average person. I am beginning to see that maybe I don’t want to be like everyone else. Being me is just fine! It’s more than fine because no one should want to be like the next person.

I made the realization a week or so ago that I don’t have any local friends. Meaning I have no one that I can go to and fully express myself to and get the support that every person craves. I was bummed about it… I am not going to lie. My mind wanted to believe otherwise but I was only causing myself more pain. After getting over the initial shock, the true did indeed set me free. I was reading a small publication titled ‘Beyond Birth and Death,’ and it made a point to say that the material (physical) world is meant for misery. We, as individuals and society, inflict misery on ourselves through the goals that we set for ourselves. Think about it: many of our goals are to obtain more of something… more money, bigger house, better cars, better education, higher position at work, etc. Have you ever stopped and asked yourself why you need these things? Why do we need more money (we all can use more money)? To accumulate more wealth… to buy more things… to travel… Why do we need a bigger house? More space… better design… more checks on a wish list… why do we need a better car? To go faster… better design…

I ask myself those questions all the time. It’s so funny in my household. My husband and I have very different ideas of what makes life better. When we both say we want more of some things, we usually disagree on the motivation. Like all people, I would love more money. Money is the main method to make most things happen. My husband would like to spend money and buy things, etc. I, on the other hand, would like to be debt free but spend money on other people and/or worthy causes. I believe that if people thought more of others, we all would benefit. Giving money to those in need makes me feel good. If I had more money, I could make a bigger impact. My husband wants a bigger house where as I am trying to convince him to try a tiny house LOL. I love the way luxury cars look but I am fine with my Honda.

We need to think about our hearts and what is in the core of our hearts. There is nothing wrong with wanting things in life. It’s inevitable not to strive towards our wants and dreams. I think the key is the motivation. Most people are motivated by personal and selfish reasons. I had to stop thinking about the number of friends I don’t have (why don’t people like ME??) and cherish the friends and relationships that I do have. It’s perfectly find to want a larger house but do you want it because you truly need more space or because your neighbor has a bigger house?

We should all look into our lives and cut out the unnecessary. As we age, most things become unnecessary and what we realize, sometimes too late, is that material things are worthless at the end of life. We cannot take any money, cars, houses, etc. with us once we take our last breath.

I will attempt in a conscious effort to make sure my life has the necessary so that I may enjoy my life without causing extra misery. When I take my last breath, I want it to be celebratory, knowing I did what I could to take away misery of others, be the best person I could be and lived my life to the max.

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