I once feared being myself. I once feared that I would fail and be ridiculed by my peers. There were times when I refused to leave the house because I was shamed about the clothes that I wore or the way I may have been perceived. Most times I feel that I am judged by all that I come across which causes my fear of acceptance or the lack thereof.
You may read this and think to yourself that my feelings are invalid but deep down, invalidating me only enhances the fact that you harbor the same feelings about yourself. I know I am not the only one. It is almost a human norm to doubt oneself. We are conditioned to question our likes and dislikes, wants and needs, where we begin to distrust in our own instincts. We feel the need to be validated by others to see our own worth. Somehow, someone or something has convinced us that we cannot do anything on our own or without the opinion of others.
My perception of myself is changing. I realized that when I perceive myself as less than, my daughter sees this, and I’m afraid of where this perception will lead her. No matter what challenges my daughter is faced with, I work with her and make sure she accomplishes her goals and knows that she has love and support. I push so much love into her but failed to love myself. I am realizing that no amount of love I give will ever overpower the love I don’t give to myself. My lack of self-love shines like a beacon and calls for the attention of those who look up to me.
I read the below quote from E.E. Cummings:
“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.”
Life is about living; living for yourself, love, happiness… all the things that makes life worth living. I make it count, we must take the risk. Be curious. Seek to experience all the things that you chose for yourself. Believe that you can and you will! Don’t let the nays of others darken your spirit.
We must shed the need to please others without first taking care of our own needs. I will love myself! I will believe in myself and risk what is required to ensure that I satisfy my curiosity and desires of life. I will express my self-love so that those looking up to me understand the importance of seeking approval within.