I love to write. I love writing fictional works that are usually speculative fiction or horror related genres. I have been writing since I was about 11-12 years old. I dabbled in poetry during my teenage years, but have consistently written short stories.
I am on a healing journey from behaviors of someone that left me traumatized. I was stripped me of myself and left in a darkness I have never known.
The desire to write remained but all confidence, will and strength left me. I was robbed of my creative energy, which made me continue to spiral away from healing.
To combat the little voices that continued to tell me I was a worthless, horrible person, I told myself that I was beautiful, I was creative and when I am ready, I will write again.
“When you’re ready, you’ll write.” I had to remind myself that my readiness will determine when I would do many of the things I had done before. I had to remind myself to be patient because I had not become a shell overnight. It had taken years.
Slowly, the voices faded and I began to believe I could socialize again, or take a selfie again, or love myself again. Eventually, I believed I could write again… and I did.
It has taken a couple years but I have written three short stories and the creative energy is slowly returning.
Some times the pain we inflict upon ourselves— whether it’s through self neglect or the allowance of neglect from others— can really derail us from the path we were successfully navigating. I’m a cautionary tale as well as a reminder that derailments can be painful yet also be the necessary evils to get you to the next step in your journey.
Life is full of suffering but our perspective of the experiences that make up our lives can help us reach our full potential if we allow the lessons to permeate our being.
I began with positive self talk. I drowned out the voices of those who I allowed to hurt me and separated myself from painful reminders of what damaged my soul. I used my trauma to figure out what I didn’t want or need in my life and found what resonated with my healing and growth. I took the time to rise from the ashes. The fire that was supposed to destroy me only fueled my desire to be a better me.
Slowly, I became. I continue to become. It is not the destination, it’s the journey!
If no one’s ever told you this, I will: take the time you need to heal, to grow, to learn, to be. There is no real formula for how, when or how long it takes but do it anyway. No matter what, do what’s best for you.
Look Within 